Report Card: Houlihans

http://www.houlihans.com/my-houlihans/upper-arlington

 

Overall GrubGrade B

The Breakdown:

Atmosphere: Grade B+: Houlihan’s in Upper Arlington is not what we’d call an upscale restaurant, but it actually comes pretty close. We would actually classify Houlihan’s as a med-level steakhouse. From the outside, Houlihan’s looks pretty neat, with a blocky, contemporary style. The décor inside is fairly contemporary and the place was quite clean. The inside wasn’t too loud when we first arrived, but the restaurant wasn’t really very busy, either. By the time we finished eating, though, it was starting to get a little loud. Houlihan’s might have scored in the A- range except for one thing: the bench seat. Much like other restaurants that we’ve dinged for having this set-up, Houlihan’s is also guilty of having the same seating arrangement. Plus, with a nearly empty restaurant and a fairly young couple (that being us), I would expect the bench seat to be the last place we would be seated. But no. We were walked to the middle of a very long bench seat. In the case of Houlihan’s, at least they didn’t seat anyone right next to us on either side, so we were at least spared being witness to other peoples conversations against our will.

High marks: Clean, contemporary décor, fairly quiet upon arrival

Low marks: Giant bench seat

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Service: Grade B+: Our server, Tara, was quite attentive without being annoyingly clingy. She seemed to have a decent sense of humor and was sociable. We were allowed to settle into our seats before Tara arrived to take our drink order. This is important. We cannot stand when a server asks us what we want to drink before we’ve even picked up a menu. Please give us a minute or two…especially for Katina, who can be a little needy when it comes to drink menus. I can always opt for what’s on tap, but she’s a little more refined in her drink tastes. Once we ordered everything, there was minimal wait for the food. There was one error in our meal with Katina getting the wrong side dish, but otherwise the service was very solid.

High marks: Attentive without being oppressive, nice attitude and sense of humor

Low marks: One small error with our meal

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Food/Spirits: Grade B-: We started our meal by ordering the pot-stickers for our appetizer. The menu states they are pan-fried, but we felt they could have been left on the stove a little while longer. They were a little disappointing because they were soggy. Katina also had a bowl of French Onion soup and I tried the chicken tortilla soup. We both found our soups to be good, but neither of us felt they were the best versions of those soups we’ve had. The French Onion soup has less of a beefy flavor than Katina is used to, and I felt the chicken tortilla soup had a nice flavor but was a little under-seasoned, and therefore slightly bland. For her entree, Katina ordered the almond crusted tilapia and I opted for the Kansas City strip steak. Katina found the tilapia to be good, but almost all of the flavor came from the sweet, creamy sauce. I found my steak to be really good…actually better that I had anticipated. Our side dishes included green beans, chips and salsa, and some unwanted asparagus (that’s the mistake I mentioned earlier). The green beans were excellent and exceeded both of our expectations, while the chips and salsa were nothing special and tasted like they came from a bag and jar, respectively. Oh, I almost forgot our drinks…and that’s probably because they were quite forgettable. We opted for a mojito mule and a black cherry mojito, neither of which tasted like they had any liquor in them.

High marks: Better than expected steak and green beans

Low marks: Tilapia, chips and salsa, pot-stickers and drinks were all ho-hum

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Value: Grade B-: While Houlihan’s wasn’t outrageously expensive for a pseudo-steakhouse, it was the average tasting food that kept the value score low. But, Houlihan’s would make a nice first date spot…a little classy but not real expensive.

High marks: Not too expensive

Low marks: Food could be a little better …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Technical: Grade A: One bright spot for Houlihan’s is their website. Online reservations are available, as is their full menu including gluten free designations for some of their dishes. You can also find complete nutritional information for all of their dishes on their site as well. The site is very clean and easy to navigate. The only thing missing is the option of ordering online for those of us wanting to enjoy the food but not the crowd.

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Autism Friendly Score: 5: Online reservations (as mentioned above) are available, as is a gluten free menu. But no online kids menu and lack of free Wi-Fi keeps this score right in the middle of the scale for Houlihan’s. If your child has an adventurous palate they might find that Houlihan’s is not overwhelming due to sensory input it the crowd is light, but it might be too noisy if you visit during peak times.

Report Card: The Capital Grille

The Capital Grille — if you see this sign, turn around and keep walking

https://www.thecapitalgrille.com/

 

Report Card: The Capital Grill

 

Overall GrubGrade C

 

The Breakdown:

 

Atmosphere: Grade B+: From the outside and inside, it appeared like we were going to have a dining experience at The Capital Grille that was well worth the wait and anticipation. The décor on the inside was contemporary and clean, and the muted lighting and music created a really nice atmosphere. The Capital Grille appears like it would be a nice place to take a date or celebrate an anniversary. We had called for reservations, and the earliest we could get was 8:15pm Saturday evening. We arrived at around 8:10pm and the place was pretty hopping. We checked in with the hostess to find out that there would be a wait for our table, so we nabbed a table in the bar area, and buckled in for our long trip into disappointment.

High marks: Clean, contemporary, romantic atmosphere

Low marks: Busy, table not ready

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Service: Grade C-: So, when we tweet this review out, if someone from The Capital Grille happens to read it, let us offer this piece of friendly advice: look up the word “reservation” in the dictionary. We thought we were in some bizzaro episode of Seinfeld when we told the hostess we had a reservation and they told us we’d have to wait for a table to open up. You see, that’s what the reservation was for. There should have been a table set aside for us. If we wanted to wait, we would have skipped the reservation. That was completely ridiculous. Oh, we can see giving our table to someone who is waiting if we arrived late, but we’re awesome and that’s why we got there at least 5 minutes early. We waited at a cramped little table by the bar, and we were ½ hour into our meal before the hostess came to take us to our table (which, by the way, we had asked our server to cancel – oops). That means our table wasn’t ready until 8:45pm. I can promise you, had we not already started our meal at our little cramped bar table, I would have verbally eviscerated the hostess staff. That behavior is completely unacceptable for an upscale restaurant. We elected to stay at our little bar table because the server we started with did such a pleasant job in getting our meal started and recommending our first drinks. However, after the first round, we got a new server, who we’ll just call C. Service stayed pretty good for a few more minutes until C got another couple of tables sat in his section, then it completely fell apart. There were really lengthy waits between courses and it took forever to get a drink refill. Requests had to be repeated on a couple of occasions. This type of service wouldn’t be acceptable at Applebees, and we certainly shouldn’t be paying a premium price for service. This grade would have been “F” except for the service during the first 10 minutes.

High marks: The first 10 minutes

Low marks:   Everything but the first 10 minutes

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Food/Spirits: Grade C+: With respect to food, there were some really nice things that The Capital Grille did well. Katina stated with a drink called The Bohemian, which had a raspberry and peach flavor to it. There was definitely more emphasis on the raspberry than the peach, but the drink was really tasty. I started with a Stoli Doli, which was a drink make with chilled, pineapple infused Stoli. It was smooth with the perfect amount of pineapple. Katina ordered the Lobster Mac and Cheese, which is technically a side dish. So she supplemented with a crock of French Onion Soup. Our server warned her that the portion size on the crock was pretty large, then elaborated by using his hands to pantomime a crock that is pretty much the exact same size as every other crock of French Onion Soup she’s had. What came out, however, was this massive bowl of soup. Flavor-wise, Katina says it was good but not the best French Onion Soup she’s had. As for the Lobster Mac and Cheese, we were skeptical since our server really talked it up like it was the cat’s pajamas. You see, Katina’s had the Lobster Mac and Cheese at Eddie Merlot’s, and if their Lobster Mac and Cheese is a Mercedes, then the Lobster Mac and Cheese at The Capital Grille was a Yugo. The cheese sauce was too runny and there were only a few large chunks of lobster in the dish. This same dish could have been pulled off with a little bit of lobster and a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It’s not even in the same ball park as the Mac and Cheese at Eddie Merlot’s. I ordered the Rib Lamb Chops with the porcini rub. The taste was a little overwhelming at first, but after the first few bites I really started to enjoy them. Overall, it was pretty good performance on the lamb, but for $46, the word “pretty” should not be in the description. We also tried the Adults Only Arnold Palmer, which tasted like watered down iced tea, and the Mojito de Uvas. I ordered two of these mojitos, because the addition of the green grapes made this the best mojito I’ve had – just the right amount of sweetness with no alcohol bite. So, I had to order a second one, which was just a glass of ice with two swallows of mojito in it. The difference between the two is inexplicable. And, at $13 per drink, shafting me with a large glass of ice really irritated me.

High marks: Good lamb, great tasting mojito, tasty drinks           

Low marks: Inaccurate size description on soup, amateur Lobster Mac and Cheese, bar served up expensive glasses of ice

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Value: Grade F: Let me see…quality far below expectations…check. Horrendous service…check. How much would you pay for this package? If you guessed anything below $165, then you’re off. Not only was our bill ridiculous based on service and quality, The Capital Grille also overcharged my credit card (it wasn’t by much, and honestly a bowl full of 12 turds isn’t much different than a bowl full of 10 of them, is it?). We recommend you walk right on by if you’re in the neighborhood.

High marks: There’s not one of these in Columbus

Low marks: Overpriced and underperformed